So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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