the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
