i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
