Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
