I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
