Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
