I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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