Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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