when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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