Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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