either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
