just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
