I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
