And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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