dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Even my vagina gasped.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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