I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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