just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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