Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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