I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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