Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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