It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
