please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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