Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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