Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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