I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
