I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
