I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize