My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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