ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
