Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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