did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
