Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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