so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
