I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
