direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
