Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
