she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize