We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
