I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
