the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
