You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
