I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
