Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
