Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize