I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
