You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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