ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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