I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
