apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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