i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
