After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize