So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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