Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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