i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
