I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
