Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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