Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
