I think my vagina is haunted
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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