Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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