Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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