my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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