just tell him i said nine months
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
