I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
