If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
