Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
