i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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