Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
