His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
