I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
