You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
