Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
