would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
