If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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