am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize