ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
