R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
