Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
