if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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