Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
