More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize