I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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