I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
