i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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